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Wikiality.com is slowly trying to get back in the groove of writing truthy news. Please excuse the quality and quantity during this period. Enjoy Write A Caption and our Daily Poll in the interim. See Also: :Daily Poll Write A Caption Bear Watchers Abomination Watch Breaking News Archive Latest In Truthy News PETA releases new pr0n video: Sex with Veggies “Too sexy for my stomach,” claims beef industry America. January 27, 2009 - Nation, the veggie-lovers meat-haters hippies from PETA are doing it again. This time they are trying to corrupt our children and confuse our stomachs with "too sexy" videos involving hot women and vegetables. Now, everyone knows that I love sex pr0n meat and I like my burger to have been alive at some point in time, possibly a cow that was once chewing grass in its feeble innocence unaware of its impending doom. Well, the animal-lovers-meat-haters-veggie-whores hippies want to release a new ad Veggiality Pr0n video to convert the rest of America into vegetable-lovers so they can stop us from eating meat… what’s wrong PETA? Bestialiy was too strong for you? I am sorry, but the only ad pr0n video that I want to see better involve a chick eating a hot dog, chicken thighs, or maybe a horse’s… not some carrots, or cucumbers or a salad… that's just wrong and confuses the hell out of me... plus no one wants to see some video of a woman eating food in a sexy manner… The Veggiality video will be released under the title of "Veggie Tails: Women love big carrots and cucumbers"... Now if you can excuse me, I have to buy some groceries... suddenly I am hungry... and aroused Are you Smarter than A Celebrity? Fox: Greatest Show Game Ever America. January 27, 2009 - Nation, one of our most beloved political commentator have been challenged into one of those show contest to demonstrate their smartiness to the Nation. Of course, Papa Bear is no fool, and he is smart enough to crush anyone who dares to question him… which is why Papa Bear was challenged by some ditzy whore from Hollywood in a match of smartiness and a free coupon to ‘Six Flags’. In an impressive match, Bill O’Reilly lost the contest won the game!!! Take that Hollywood elite liberals! TMZ, a very serious publishing industry, has called the liberal whore, very very very dumb and she should leave the country soon… In other news the country's economy is still collapsing and soon Western Civilization will fail Bill O'Reilly Won!! Hollywood Whore Elite Zero!!!! The mooslim president will unveil new plan to save destroy economy Rush Limbaugh bows to destroy America Obama Islamofacist States of America. January 27, 2009 - While Obama continues to tease us about his “Stimulus Package”, for days we have been wondering, “How big is it?” “Will it be ‘hard’ or ‘soft’ on the American public?” “Can we get it (the economy) up for long?”, etc… luckily we were able to attain some information as to how the new package will look like and how will it work. So far many Republicans are not happy with it… Rumor has it that some racists Real Americans have speculated that the “Stimulus Package” is more like a drug vaccine to stop the hemorrhaging of this economy. So Obama will be selling the vaccine to the American public. Obama will keep 90% of the profits, the government keeps 9%, and the rest goes to the public… which many Republicans are unhappy with it, they want a bigger cut and a Congressional Page to go with it. “Typical black man democrat, he wants to toss money to the problem,” claimed a Republican senator, “What we need to do is to cut off the budget from unnecessary services, and let the market decide how to fix the economy… which is why we should give more bailout money to banks and corporations. Rich people know how to make money, not the government.” “What do you expect from a liberal? There are not enough tax cuts in here! How am I supposed to buy me a new Corporate Jet if I can’t afford one? The American people wants… no... it needs to have their own corporate/private jets!! And we should make it so! Give the rich us tax cuts, so that everyone can afford one!” claimed a CEO from some bank… “Obama is a fool… The Greatest Ex-President Ever gave us tax cuts for eight years and that worked just fine. We need more tax cuts!!! Otherwise our nation’s economy will tank!” claimed a long life Republican. Because many Rich White Men Real Americans are unhappy of the Obama’s plan, a new group has been formed to save what is left of the economy. The group is called “RBACA” (Robber Barons Anti-Choice Association), and many believe that the Obama’s administration will destroy Capitalism forever unless drastic measures are taken to stop the mooslim president. We got to interview Bernie Marcus, the charismatic co-founder of Home Depot “This is the demise of a civilization," said Marcus. "This is how a civilization disappears. I am sitting here as an elder statesman and I'm watching this happen and I don't believe it.” (actual quote) According with many Rich White Men Real Americans, Obama is creating a “Welfare Nation” and it is out of control, “You don’t just toss money to people and hope things will get better. What kind of fool does that? NEVER GIVE AWAY MONEY… but bailouts are ok…” shouted Bernie Marcus. *UPDATE:: Republican Majority Minority have expressed concerns on the "Economic Package", and they decided they will not capitulate to the mooslim president just because he is the president. "Who the hell he think he is?" exclaimed House Majority Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) GOP takes long vacation Karl Rove plans to conquer Canada Neo-America Islamic States of America. January 27, 2009 - While the liberal gay-loving bear-cuddling hippies plan to save destroy the American economy, many Republicans that lost their senate seat that were cheated from this election, have decided to take a long vacation. But it is not over yet, some Real Americans have shown interest in sabotaging salvaging this nation to the best of their knowledge, before it is too late… The Greatest Mavericktrix Ever will spend some time hunting moose and bears in Alaska, and will also be getting ready for the Bear uprising, which is why she is funding a new Secret Organization to destroy America traitors and mooslims. Good luck hot lady!! Karl Rove is planning to run away spend some time overseas, The Greatest Architect Ever wants to take a rest, after a difficult presidency a boring and a set of uninteresting events that we dont need to talk about it. When asked where was he going and why the rush to leave town, he replied “I don’t want to end up like Michael Connell I won a vacation to “Death Island” “Paradise Island”!!!” Nation, while the GOP takes its deserved vacation, we need to work together. We can destroy save America once again!! *UPDATE: Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, will also take a long break overseas, he will probably accompany Karl Rove to "Death Island" "Paradise Island". SHOCKING NEWS!!!!: Mooslim president first interview with Terrorist Network Obama’s new anti-american video is a hit! Islamofacist States of America. January 26, 2009 - Nation, this mooslim president has crossed the line. Not only does he still insist that he is the 44th President (Hey, liberals! Why do you hate Yo-Yo Ma!), but he was seeing being interviewed by an Arab TV Network known terrorist organization. Mr. so-called-president, you say you are not a mooslim, yet why is it that you were seeing speaking with Arabs? Yet for some reason the hippie bear-loving liberals are feigning ignorance about the whole thing… Here is an excerpt from that interview: Q: Mr. President, thank you for this opportunity, we really appreciate it. The mooslim president: DEATH TO AMERICA!!! Q: Sir, you just met with your personal envoy to the Middle East, Senator Mitchell. Obviously, his first task is to consolidate the cease-fire. But beyond that you've been saying that you want to pursue actively and aggressively peacemaking between the Palestinians and the Israelis. Tell us a little bit about how do you see your personal role, because, you know, if the President of the United States is not involved, nothing happens -- as the history of peacemaking shows. Will you be proposing ideas, pitching proposals, parameters, as one of your predecessors did? Or just urging the parties to come up with their own resolutions, as your immediate predecessor did? The mooslim president: DEATH TO ISRAEL!!! The rest of the interview is just the same. Also the mooslim president acknowledges that he has mooslim terrorist family members and friends. Rush Limbaugh’s Freedom of Hate Speech Threatened GOP: Democrats are not playing fair Asswh*letown America. January 26, 2009 - Nation, the GOP is in trouble, and many Republicans American traitors are either running for the hills or converting to Islam to please the new mooslim master. Because of this reason, Rush Limbaugh is taking the fight against these un-american traitors. But instead, our beloved Limbaugh has been threatened and his freedom of speech taken away. All he did was argue that if the Democrats succeed the GOP will loose all credibility and loose all electoral chances for decades we will become a nation of sissified gay loving bear-lovers liberals and God hates that. Do you want to piss off God? Of course not! News From The West American Front: Polar Bears invade England, Librarians are still hiding something™ Why isn’t the mooslim president doing something? Islamic States of America. January 26, 2009 - It hasn’t been more than a month and we have already seeing bear sightings over the world, one of the most disturbing one is none other from England. According with our British associates, an army of Polar Bears has invaded the tea-sucking land of the British. The Polar Bear Army has already established a beachhead in the Tames River and they will soon replace the Queen with their own QILF (Queen I like to F**k). We suspect that there will future bear sightings all over Europe. According with the Pentagon, Europe will fall under the bears in less than a week… But not everything is bad news. Meanwhile in America, we are winning The War on Literature. Soon children under 12 will be banned from libraries so they can be protected from the toxic waste known as “knowledge”… for many years we have been wondering what are librarians hiding™… and guess what! They were hiding this toxic venom on their books! Librarians, before The Greatest President Ever left, he made a law, and that law must be enforced. So start banning those kids from your libraries or else! Ohio Vs Kentucky: A Fearsome Custody Battle Somebody please think of the pebbles! Ohio Kentucky Somewhere in the US. January 26, 2009 - Mr. Kentucky and Mrs. Ohio had been married for many decades, but their marriage have always been rocky and questionable, and while both of them went to marriage counseling, it was doom to fail from the beginning. Mrs. Ohio has always been a liberal bear-loving hippie and now recently found to be a lezzie, and Mr. Kentucky was a Real American red blooded gun loving God fearing patriot, the only reason they staid together was because of the child… However, because of an embarrassment affair, the marriage was terminated and that has caused one of the most devastating custody battle… According with rumors Mr. Kentucky found Mrs. Ohio in a foursome with Ms. Indiana (she claims she was “experimenting”), the Michigan twins (they count as one, since only one of them is a hottie and the other is a fugly), that Pennsylvania whore, and West Virginia who claims was drunk and doesn’t remember anything… Mrs. Ohio will keep the beach house, the drug money, and part of the Ohio River, while Mr. Kentucky will keep his barrels of liquor, his fried chicken, and the rest of the Ohio river (the crappy parts). “It was not an easy divorce… pretty messy… the Only Reason that Mrs. Ohio is keeping the good stuff, is because Mr. Kentucky failed to get an annulment… poor fellow” claimed Mr. Kentucky’s lawyer. But the divorce case is not over yet; the real problem has just started. According with officials, there is a nasty custody battle over the offspring of Mr. Kentucky and Mrs. Ohio. Their child, “Indian Head Rock” (also known as “Charlie”), is being drag into the courts. Mr. Kentucky claims that his child shouldn’t be raised under the roof of his lesbian mother, “That whore will fill his head with gay liberal agenda and grow up to be a sissified liberal kid… over my dead body!” claimed Mr. Kentucky. But the problem doesn’t end there, according with Mrs. Ohio, “Charlie” is not actually his offspring… “To tell you the truth, I don’t know who the real father is…” claimed Mrs. Ohio, she explains that she slept with a lot of men and women during her youth. According with Mrs. Ohio's foggy memory, there is one possible candidate to be the father. She claims that she had a drunken one night stand orgy with a Mr. ACE (Army Corps of Engineers) and a few army ladies… and Mr. ACE now wants his child back… One would think that would be the end of it, but a few days later another man has claimed to be the father of the rock, none other than a Mr. Charles Monroe Schulz (his pals know him as Penuts)… “Look, that rock clearly looks like me… that’s clearly my son!” We don’t know how many lovers did Mrs. Ohio had, but she certainly is a whore… Blajagoffwitch Signs New Movie Deal Blagojakassvich: Aliens are trying to anally probe me! Faeryland Chicago, IL. January 23, 2009 - The Maverick Governor of Illinois has decided to release a film that tells it all: the corruption of his fellow democrats, the conspiracy to overthrow the GOP and install a mooslim dictator, and the story of an intrepid and maverick governor confronting the Washington establishment to bring back the GOP back in power freedom and liberty. Wikiality has not seeing the movie yet, but if the previous of what we have witnessed over the past few days are a hint of what is yet to come, then we cannot wait to see how this sh!t will go about it we will witness how this drama will unfold… we hope it will win many Oscars… Jim Carrey will play the part of the Blagosuksassvitch, the intrepid and maverick governor. Also, there is a rumor that Blago’s black friend, Roland Burris, will be played by Samuel Jackson. Un-American News: Japanese wants to Gay Marry Obama new Obama hentai videos will be released soon… Animeland, Japan. January 23, 2009 - Nation, we bring you disturbing news. As you know the Japanese people have the nasty habit of “borrowing” things from the west and then turned it into ‘cooler’ stuff that we later regret for not thinking up first. Well, the Japanese government have decided to “borrow” Obamania and turned it upside down! People are taking things like “Hope” and “Cool” into their laboratories to create what we suspect is Obama 3.0, an automaton sentient android that could take over the world and turn it into a “liberalz paradize”. If you thought one Obama was bad, imagine an army of Obamas bringing hope, peace, prosperity, and education to the entire world, turning us all into sissified bear-loving hippie liberals… the horror!! Nation, we cannot let the Japanese take “Obama” into their hands, who knows what else could they turned into? They even took Obama's speeches and turned into learning books, making English cooler again, after the botched incident of George Bush’s book “Lurning Engrigh with Dubya”. Whats next? Obama Snacks with eel flavor? Obama burgers with hope sauce? An Obamabot with ass kicking katanas?… wait, they are already working on it?… Obamania is already driving the Japanese market like crazy! If we are not careful America will be next! too late… My point is, that the Japanese have already taken Henry Ford’s cars and turned into fuel efficient killing machines against our poor fat American cars, they have taken our computers and video games and turned into profit turning machines, and even cartoons and comic books, which are an American invention, have been turned into “Anime” and “Manga”… where will it end? SHOCKING NEWS: MOOSLIM PRESIDENT DOES PERVERTED THINGS WITH WIFE!!!! Someone please think of thechildren!! Foxnews!! January 21, 2009 - Nation, the intrepid reporters from Fox News have found shocking evidence that our new mooslim president is a secret deviant and a pervert!! What do you expect? He is a democrat... The following footage is considered to be graphic of the sexual nature, if you have children, please escort them out of the room, if you have no children, get a box of tissues and some baby lotion… Rush Limbaugh: I Hope America Obama Fails Rich White A$$holes conservatives join the fight Jagofftown, USA. January 21, 2009 - Nation, one of our most beloved figures, Mr. Limbaugh, is being attacked again by the drive-by shooting liberal media. All he ever did was to wish the mooslim president good luck and that he HOPES for him that he fails. I thought Obama was all up with Hope and all that. Was wrong with you people? Don’t you see that Mr. Limbaugh is innocently HOPING that the GOP will be able to regain back their rightful place, by HOPING that the mooslim president will fail… otherwise there is no more HOPE for Real Americans like us. You hippie bear-loving liberals are suppressing HOPE, the HOPE for Obama to fail, the HOPE that the GOP will be back in power forever. Plus, wasn’t the liberal media HOPING for The Greatest President Ever to fail when he took office 8 years ago? Thanks guys, this is your entire fault then!! Who really is to blame now, liberal media? Mr. Limbaugh knows what he is doing, so stop accusing him of being un-american… Now that Obama is in charge, we should start writing down his legacy as The Worst Mooslim President EVER! America Gets New Mooslim President: PRAISE ALLAH!!! Real Americans migrate to Canada Neo America White House Hussein’s Mooslim House. January 20, 2009 - Well, Nation. America has officially swore in a black mooslim president and he gave his corny speech “Death To America Speech” to finalize the day. The good news is that Obama botched his oath a little, so maybe we can swear in Palin as soon as the courts agree that he is not the real president, even though constitutionally he is automatically the president without the oath. Nation, don’t worry I wont covert to Islam and gay marry my neighbor just because of this day. We the people will continue the good fight against this mooslim tyrant until Palin is our New The Greatest Maverickness and President Ever!! …now, does anyone know how to read those weird squiggly lines in this weird Koran book?… Post Your Job!! because we need the money… January 19, 2009 - Nation, times are though the fundamentals of our economy are still strong, but we are out cash. Which is why we have decided to put a classified section, we are even posting peoples resumes, for a fee… oh, look! Looks like we have someone desperate in need. Name: Bushie “Yesman” Brownnose. Previous Occupation: White House lackey Assistant. Education: church and home schooled University of Higher Faith Hello Sir/Madam. I hope I will be able to join your marvelous presidential administration political office corporation investment firm law firm bank fast food restaurant. I bring years/decades of experience and I promise you that you will find no other loyal slave worker among the ignorant masses plethora of entrepreneurial minds. Experience: I have been for many years under the employment of Mr. Bush The Excellency Mr. Dick Cheney, and I can assure you he will vouch for my years of excellent services. One of my many jobs in my previous employment has been to keep facts and truths lies and fabrications away from the ears of my employer Mr. Bush so it wont confuse and distract him. I am aware that leaders/management requires silence and time to contemplate the many stressful decisions of everyday life, and it was my duty to maintain the status quo. I was also there to assist in the service and the improvement of morale in the office and also to strike his ego reaffirm Mr. Bush’s confidence in times of difficulties and need. You could say that I gave him overconfidence like the time I told him Katrina was not his fault, it was the liberals fault that unforeseeable events took place beyond his control. I was also an integral member that partook in the sabotaged, ridicule, and endangered debated and cordially disagreement of Mrs. Wilson's husband a formidable opponent as well as other individuals but I would rather not go into details. I have many years of experience in dealing and digging up dirty secrets and blackmailing the opposition as well as bullying the liberal media resorting with opposing views and arguments in which I was able to negotiate compromises and agreements. Also I am good at hiding bodies of dead hookers when needed I have experience in other areas of expertise, such as in dealing with the sensitive nature of an employer. SO PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!! I thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you in the future. List of References: George W. Bush, The Greatest President Ever: You could say that I was the third most influential man in the office! I gave the man most of my ideas and advices, mostly financial advices, cant wait for my Bears and Sterns share of profits!! Senator Ted Stevens: I was one of his many assistants before my tenure in the White House, and the one who helped him remodel his house. Alberto Gonzales: I assisted Mr. Gonzales in getting rid of some undesirable elements in the Department of Justice, no matter what. Bernie Madoff: Prior to politics, I worked in the financial sector with Mr. Madoff. I cannot wait to see my share of profits after working with Mr. Bush. Mark Foley: You could say he was my mentor when I worked as his personal congressional page during my teenage summers before and after high school. Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby: I was the one that “helped” Mr. Libby during his trouble times. Duke Cunningham: I was the personal assistant of Mr. Cunningham for many years. He is one of the most honest man that I ever work with. Larry Craig: I did a lot of things for this man… lot of things… This man will vouch for me that I am willing to do anything to assist The Man. I served at the “pleasure” of his office. My Dad The People Behind The Greatest Presidency Ever Thank you for destroying bettering this Nation White House. January 17, 2009 - As the last days of The Greatest President Ever comes to an end, we should remind all Real Americans that they should be thanking the people behind The Greatest Presidency Ever, for making this The Greatest Presidency Ever in Human History!! Here is a sample of these loyal bushies. Imagine what would the Presidency would look like without them... perish the thought... *Dick Cheney: The Greatest Vice-President Ever. There is nothing more to be said, history will remember him to be the greatest Sith Lord man on history, after Bush, of course… *Karl Rove: This spawn of Satan This sweet Angel has been called the brains behind the Presidency, if he is the Brain then Bush is the heart! *Alberto Gonzales: I don’t recall much about this guy, something about chasing out bear-loving hippies from the Department of Justice, and something about making a comatose old man sign some papers… a good loyal bushie, enough said… *Donald Rumsfeld: according with Cheney he is "the finest Secretary of Defense this nation has ever had.", and if Cheney says so, it must be true… *Michael Brown: Two words, “Heck of a Job Brownie”… or was it three words?… anyway he is the guy that kicked that Lady Katrina’s butt… *Paul Wolfowitz: He helped us liberate Iraq with the right number of troops, way to go! *David Addington: Cheney’s minime… But, because the list of the names is so long (Almost 50!), I decided to provide a link for the rest of the names. Just ignore the liberal reality-base bias… Give Thanks to these scumbags bushies, you all did a heck of a job! The Greatest Gift Ever is Here!! Get them while they are HOT!!! White House. January 16, 2009 - People of Wikiality, I got some fantastic news!! The Greatest President Ever is selling granting Official Presidential Pardons!! Just like the Popes when they sell give their indulgences to sinners to fill up the coffers save their eternal soul, The Greatest President Ever is emulating their practice as a good Christian should… Not that we are saying that The Greatest President Ever is the Pope, but wouldn’t it be cool if he was? The Greatest President AND Pope Ever has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? EMERGENCY NEWS: DOUGHNUTS ARE THE DEVIL’S CAKE!! Police eagerly confiscate all doughnuts in America Liberalwhoretown! un-america. January 16, 2009 - Nation! We just received terrible news from a very reliable source. According to this source, doughnuts are actually the devil’s food; it is a secret gay-liberal Confection of Mass Destruction!! The Doughnut is their secret weapon to turn all Real Americans gay and then get daily abortions against their will!! “What people don’t realize is that gays and happy-go-lucky abortionists are actually witches, they put their gay-abortionist magic into the doughnuts and this way they will convert all of us into liberals and make us want to gay marry each other or abort our babies, sometimes both at the same time!” claimed a crazy bitch Katie Walker, the senior correspondent and gay-baby-abortionist-witch expert. However, gays and liberals could have not confected this devious plan alone. America, they got help! You probably wonder from whom did the gay bear-loving liberals got the funds and the resources to set up this devious plan, none other than “Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Inc.”, one of the most evil, gayest, and liberal organization on America!! We believe this is the Gaysrael for fat gay people, and they must be stopped! Someone needs to put them out of business! Nation, this is a problem. According with our statistics there are thousands of doughnut shops in America! Not only that, but Real Americans consume millions of doughnuts each year! We must eradicate this danger before is too late! BOYCOTT THE GAY DOUGHNUTS!!! Nation, write to Katie Walker, and tell her she is doing a wonderful job in protecting America against the ebil gay Doughnuts! contact Katie Walker! ...now I better get ready... WOW free doughnuts!!... more for me... ---- Breaking News Archive